Boomers Fear Of Seniordom Scary

Do you remember what they called geezers before they called them seniors? I don't. You don't either, I'll bet. You and I were never going to get old enough to care. Fifty years ago, I remember thinking the then-popular euphemism for elders - Golden Agers - was a crock.

Golden, my butt!

The words geezers, codgers, and duffers were around then, too. But like "old farts," those handles never gained traction. Let's face it, how many seniors do you know who would step up and demand the "Old fart discount, please."

Then, suddenly, and without warning, we were old farts ourselves. The phrase Golden Agers had morphed to Senior Citizens and finally to seniors, and when the time came, we accepted that rubric with aplomb.

I bring this to your attention, as it seems that aging boomers don't like to be called "seniors." According to the Second 50 Years Marketing Group, 50-something whippersnappers assert that the word "senior" isn't good enough for them.

Poor things. Couldn't you just sit down and weep for these woeful whippersnappers? After years of worshipping at the altar of youth and all things callow, to receive out of the blue that "Welcome to AARP" letter must seriously freak out the best of them. No wonder these former Wunderkind are now graveyard whistling.

Of course, marketers are alarmed. If they can't call these new seniors "seniors," what can they call them?

Think about it. What else works with ______ Discount, ______ Living Guide, and Free Stuff for _______?

Searching for a new euphemism to please ripening Boomers, focus groups were asked to react to a list of terms that might describe them. Here are the names the groups found least and most appealing:

Least Appealing
* Older Boomers
* Elders
* Older People
* Third Agers
* Third Actors
* Retired People
* Senior Citizens

MostAppealing
* The Experienced
* Advisers
* Coaches
* Wise Ones
* Masters
* Seasoned Citizens

Seems to me that marketers should take a cue from the acknowledged masters of flimflam: Washington politicians.

Never calling a spade a spade, these New Orwellians call a bill that cuts funds for the aged a "Mature Enrichment Program" and one limiting Medicare benefits, "The Saving Senior Independence from Government Act."

You've got to admire the utter lack of conscience involved here. These folks are good!

In a world where bald is "follically-challenged" and crippled is "differently-abled," it should be a cinch for the unscrupulous to come up with a good hoodwink for aging Boomers.

WHAT ABOUT JALOS? BYS?

 Instead of "Coaches" or "Advisers," how about "Sages?" That's a word with muscle, wisdom, and determination. Or, to borrow from the government's extensive use of acronyms, try JALOs, for those "Just A Little Older."

How about calling our newest seniors NQYs, for "Not Quite Young." Even goofier is BYs, for "Be Wise" or "Beyond Youth" or possibly "Born Yesterday."

Actually, the big question about these wannabe seniors is: Are they worthy of joining what for many of us is the best time of our lives?

Where the aging Boomers see wrinkles, we see character. Where they think old, we think experienced. And where they fear loss, we cherish reinvention. Seniors find friends in place of things, faith in place of fear, laughter in place of whining.

Are these concepts too difficult for snotnose Boomers to comprehend?
To be truly deserving of the privilege of growing old - worthy to be called seniors - Boomers must appreciate that they are entering an age where they'll finally learn the true meaning of courage, beauty, and wonder. And the limitless power of love and forgiveness, faith and gratitude.

Understand that, and it won't matter a whit what people call you.

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