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Hey Boomers Look What's In Store For You
Listen up, all you boomers about to hit 50. That's the official beginning
of seniordom, according to no less authority than AARP, and it's
high time someone took pity on you.
You need a clue to the surprises lurking right around the corner.
I know. I know. You've done everything possible to avoid this
moment. At the mere mention of "golden" or "silver," you change the
subject. Hear the word "retirement" and you quickly cross your index
fingers in front of you, deflecting any notion of evil ages ahead.
Most boomers - not you, of course - are so inwardly turned, so
me-me-me that when geezerdom does come to call, they freak. They
become even more adamant about their false sense of self-reliance,
even more obnoxious in their enthusiastic embrace of all things
young.
If it were up to me, you'd never earn geezer status. We don't want
you. You're not tough enough.
But since it's inevitable as death and taxes - sorry, I didn't mean
to use the "D" word - here's a sneak preview of what to expect.
For starters, time and date take on new and bewildering
significance. A co-worker's 15th high school reunion inexplicably
starts your fingers twitching as you mentally count backward to
1991, then subtract the year of your own graduation.
Oh my God! you think. I'm 17 years older than she is. I
don't look... Do I? Seventeen years! She could be my daughter. Oh my
God!
At age 50 or so, you'll begin noticing that younger folks of either
sex now
look right through you - as if you didn't exist.
Shocked, you ask yourself, "When did this start happening?"
You may obsess.
At about 55, youll catch yourself glancing at every available
mirror to assess the growth of your - you'd never guess - wattle(s).
You know, that skin under your jaw that even now is sagging just a
bit.
Well, it is! By 55, this leading indicator of old-fartism is
shouting for a chinstrap. But still you won't bring yourself to use
the words "old" and "me" in the same sentence.
Next, you become -how shall I put this? - irrelevant.
Suddenly, you're the fifth wheel at work, out of the loop more often
than not. Your advice is no longer sought. Golf dates no longer
reserved.
This is when you start pricing
face-lifts, eyelid surgery, hair transplants, and wattle
reduction.
Suddenly Trivia: By what date do experts say life expectancy
will jump to 120? a) 2025 b) 2050 c) 2075.
And then there's that matter of, well,
forgetfulness. Senior moments, we call them. Those
sudden, humiliating mind blanks during which we can't remember the
names of our spouses and first-born.
The first time it happens you fear the immediate onset of
Alzheimer's. But you get used to it.
Fact is, we seniors know a lot; we simply can't remember it all.
Nothing serious, just a mild case of
mind-bloat.
One more little surprise: You know how old folks
talk 24/7 about their aches and pains, their doctors, their
pills and operations?
Trust me, you will too. If you were secretly thinking you'd
breeze through the rigors of old age with gene splicing, molecular
manipulations, and replacement organs on demand, forget about it.
At 50, you're already too old to benefit much from current
scientific breakthroughs. By the time they trickle down,
you'll be long gone. Sorry.
I suppose that you won't believe me if I tell you that in spite of
all this, you may find your senior years your best ever.
You'll find new freedom to do what you want and say what you think.
You'll have time to develop hobbies, improve your golf game, and
read to your heart's content.
Once you get away from that "me" thing, you'll want to help others
by volunteering your time and mind. You'll never believe the rewards
until you do it.
And if you haven't already, you'll learn the critical importance of
friendship and love in your life. You probably won't believe me now,
but that alone is worth the price each of us pays to become a
Geezer-First Class.
Suddenly Trivia Answer: b) 2050
Suddenly Senior is the popular weekly
e-zine for everyone over 50 who feels way too young to be old. Voted
American's Most Trusted Senior Site and read by 2-million each month,
youšll find 2,400 pages of senior humor, travel, nostalgia, trivia, senior
advocacy, 222 Best Senior Links, and loads of useful information for those
50+. Updated daily.
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