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Some Senior Days Suck
I don’t care what they say.
Gettin’ old ain't for sissies.
Oh God! I awoke this morning with my neck as stiff and as painful as an
Old Testament judgment. Inflexible as ironwood, my unyielding neck
refused even to turn to read the alarm clock.
At breakfast, I felt something hit my chest. Unable to look down, I
had to ask Carolyn if I'd spilled food (as usual). Good thing this
didn't happen a week ago. A week ago, Carolyn was blind. Some virus
or something knocked out her vision for about 36 hours.
And so goes life in the Wonderful World of Geezers.
I'm
telling you, getting old sometimes sucks. Big time! But then, if
you're over 60, you already know that. Like they say, age is a very
high price to pay for maturity. Especially when you consider how
overrated maturity is.
Now as I lie here in bed staring at the ceiling, my heating pad set
to the max, I wonder where I can get a pair of those glasses with
build-in angled mirrors, you know the kind beach bums wear to see
babes when they're flat on their backs? (The beach bums, not the
babes.) Although my neck tells me I'm way beyond checking out babes,
a little TV wouldn't hurt.
Have you noticed - it's always something?
New aches and pains, new creaks and cracks; gets so that what
doesn't hurt, doesn't work. And just yesterday I felt so good!
Does Deepak Chopra Know?
Maybe my friend Robert is right. For Christmas, he sent me Deepak
Chopra's new Life After Death. When I told him that I
wouldn't be needing it for quite a while yet, he replied, "You never
know, Frank. You've got to be ready."
Oh boy!
Last
night I read the book. Slouched up in our big old chair, I finished
it about 2 a.m.
Must have held my head wrong, though. Whatever, it's that damn
book's fault that this morning my neck won't allow me to even drive
to my chiropractor.
Life after death, indeed. I'd like to experience real life before
death and without neck pain if it's OK with everyone.
Chopra's book? It's about the miracle of death, "when we shed our
old identity to experience 'I am,' the identity of the soul, and we
assemble the ingredients of a completely unique life in our next
body." Although Robert admonished that I must get ready, even after
reading this manual, I don't know how to do that. Nor am I certain I
want to do whatever that is anytime soon. Know what I mean?
With all its aches and pains,
life in my eighth decade is still pretty darn good.
Eighth decade! That's what it is when you're 71. Both age and
decade sound ancient. Can I be talking about me?
I mean, don't you usually feel about age 40 or so? Fifty, tops. That
is, until you make the mistake of glancing into mirror and, for an
instant, wondering who that old fart is looking back at you. I have
days feeling as young as 30, at least until the bliss is shattered
by some fool trying to sell me an annuity, nursing-home insurance or
a reverse mortgage.
Eight years ago when I started Suddenly Senior, I promised
readers that I'd report untold stories from the front lines of
Geezerdom, revealing the awful/wonderful truth about what it's like
to get old, ear hairs, operations and all. (Who else that you know
has a
photo of his lower bowel posted on the Internet?)
And so I stoop to report my stiff neck, dragging libido, sloppy
breakfast habits,
and all the rest.
But in the optimistic spirit of the senior who told me, "My memory's
about gone, but I can still retain water," I know that by tomorrow
my neck will be better. I'll be able to look at babes, young and
old, without mirrored glasses.
And I'll again both give and get a big kick out of life. For such is
life in the Geezer lane.
Suddenly Senior is the popular weekly
e-zine for everyone over 50 who feels way too young to be old. Voted
American's Most Trusted Senior Site and read by 2-million each month,
you¹ll find 2,400 pages of senior humor, travel, nostalgia, trivia, senior
advocacy, 222 Best Senior Links, and loads of useful information for those
50+. Updated daily.
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